American Beauty

The beer faucet.

Oh how I love thee, let me count the pints.

You are intuitively easy to use. A gentle pull is all it takes to turn you on--and a light push staunches your pouring elixir. And anyone can learn your ways in under 10 seconds. Oh! If all the complexities of life were as easy.

You are simple but not crude. One-dimensional but not simple minded! Unassuming by nature, rarely drawing attention, and your viscera hidden, only a certainty of performance is ever bared. While what flows from you receives all the glory, it is a lack of awareness that would deny your rightful import to this world.

You display elegance in every ounce of your slender form--your curves arousing the animal spirits from within like few things can. Dimensionally graceful, perfectly proportioned, clean in design. Extraneous decoration long since cast away.

You epitomize the height of achievement in Man's evolutionary thirst for beer.